Are You A Hot Mess Mom?

work life balance

Are you working a job, building a business on the side and raising a family all with very little help? Do you feel like you’re a Wonder Woman? Go ahead and do the pose. Seriously, do it. Ah, there you go.

I’d like to point out the fact of not asking for help and ask are you a Wonder Woman or a hot mess?

Many wondered how I did it all.

I had my first child in my mid-20s.

Back then I was working in corporate America in the accounting department full time. I was also attending school, planning a wedding and welcoming our new baby. I was Wonder Woman!

Remember the Luvs commercial where the mom is overly protective with her first baby, but by her second child, she settles down? Well, that was me.

I was an overprotective mom. This is a skill I must say I inherited from my parents as they too were overprotective.

I loved motherhood. I love that my baby only wanted me. It made me feel special. It didn’t matter that I barely got any sleep. I was in my mid-20s. I had all the energy in the world. Or at least that’s how I’m remembering it now. My son was hardly away from me unless I was at work. I did it all.

I thought I could do it all. I’m mom, wasn’t I supposed to do it all?

Other than seeking some help from my husband and my parents it was just me.

You Don’t Deserve “Me” Time. You’re a Mom.

A few years later, a close relative was complaining of her new baby and how it was just so hard and so stressful. She mentioned how hard it was for her to get anything done and she just really needed help.

I remember thinking, “You need help? I did it all with two in diapers (I had sons back-to-back) and you have one, how are you stressing out?

It’s easy, you nap when they nap, you sleep when they sleep.

You make plans. You run as many errands as you can before you pick them up from the sitters. You run errands over your lunch. And when you get home because you’ve missed a third of their life you should enjoy every waking moment that you have with them because tomorrow it starts all over again.

How dare you seek someone to watch your baby because you’re just so stressed out. Maybe you shouldn’t have had one if you can’t handle the pressure.”

Pretty harsh right?

And pretty dumb of me.

I Was Suffering from CHAOS.

But now looking back I realize that I was really a hot ass mess.

Today, I’m taking care of a 10-month-old and I can’t believe I didn’t leverage my husband more back in the day, or anyone else for that matter.

I’m sorry to the mom and all mothers who are smart enough to ask for help.

When I think back to having my first two kids, I barely cooked every day, I barely got my hair done, I barely did anything and the house was always a mess.

My life was in CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome) an acronym coined by Marla Cilley of Fly Lady. But yet I’m Wonder Woman and have everything under control, right?

Some, if not most, of my lack of seeking help was feeling like a failure of not being able to do it all myself and needing to ask in the first place.

Boy How Things Have Changed.

But I’m 10 years older now. I’m smarter now. My pride is at the wayside now. I seek help because it’s the smart thing to do to keep it all together.

So if you’re a mom trying to do it all yourself and feel because of your title you shouldn’t ask for help, dump that idea now and know it’s okay to ask for help. I now require more from my husband and older children, while managing 3 businesses (one that is seasonal) and also seek outside help.

One of my best investments was hiring a cleaning lady to help me manage the house better. She comes in and does what she needs to do and the house smells and looks so wonderful. This helps me keep it up throughout the week until she returns.

I also have my morning, afternoon and evening routines to keep me on track. And at times when I feel extra unmotivated to focus, I use the Pomodoro technique to push me through it. I have also shared other ways I stay productive and focused, you can see that HERE!

As a result, I am less stressed and get more done. My esteem is even better because I have time to schedule my hair appointments and just relax. Oh yeah, and I’m no longer a hot mess.

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